Well, i know i should not be sad anymore as my grandma has already gone for 1 year but i really still feels her presence especially after last night's show. That scene just made my heart sour and what that ah ma did is just like what our ah ma did, willing to do anything for her grand-children. I know im going to repeat my ah ma story again but i really miss her alot alot.. i think only we can understand that kind of feelings.

How much i love my ah ma's cooking since young, remembering her pineapple prawns, popiah, curry chicken, asam prawn, steam fish, fried fish, crabs and more and more.. I can say that her cookings are comparable to restaurants standard and the time taken for her to do the grocery to preparing to cooking to seeing us finish up all the food she prepared, it's just all her hard work, waking up at 5am but its worthwhile when everything is finish up. But now that is just memories.

Remember when i was young, she always like to carry me after cooking and i will complain she stinks as the fishy smell lingers on her clothes but i can tell you now i miss that kind of smell. How i wish i can hug her after her cookings and tell her, Ah Ma, u're the best grandma in the world, i love your cookings. After all the hard work she will keep all the food for us and for herself she would rather eat more rice than the dishes and i remember she always scoop up some dishes with lots of rice for herself and leave the rest of us.

Slowly my grandma starts to fall sick often, having kidney failure, liver kind of stuffs and slowly she's unable to cook at all but in the early stage she still insist to do it for us. Untill late 2005, she's totally unable to do things by herself and we hired a maid to look after her. Then at 2006, she frequents hospital, in and out but very often.. At 2007 her conditions worsen, can say that she's totally bed ridden, and end up had to be put into ICU, everytime i visit her my heart really pains, as u can see the obvious scars on her hand, needle holes for drips, blood test, and other purposes.. its all blue black and swollen. Can u imagine the pain she's going through and everytime when we talk to her she's like in a daze, i believe that she had alot of things wanna talk to us and tell us but she juz dun have the strength to do so. All she can do is juz keep in her heart and we forever dunno wat she wanna tell us.

To Grandma, im so sorry that i cant be by your side when you finally close your eyes but i've tried my best to reach the hospital but you already left to the mortuary, Im sorry !! I miss you badly..wish that i would have another grandparents like you and grandpa in my next life. I love you.

8:19 PM